pick apart the pieces of your heart
by your candy perfume girl
Summary: Even more than a decade later, Jefferson can still remember the sharp sting of his torn flesh and the smooth warmth of their blood mingling together between their clasped hands. "We're family, Regina — true family. And you don't abandon family." Regina and Jefferson, before everything fell apart.


**Disclaimer** — _Once Upon a Time_ is the property of ABC and Horowitz/Kitsis. The title of this story is taken from Gotye's "Heart's a Mess". I make no profit, monetary or otherwise, from this exercise in creativity.

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"Do you love me?"

His words clumsily tumble out in an anxious rush, exhaled in warm, staccato puffs against her still-quivering thigh, but if she heard him, she does not show it. Her eyes instead remain closed, her bosom heaving as she slowly comes down from the high of a particularly powerful orgasm. For long moments, she remains still and silent, moving only when she finally untangles her fingers from his unruly mop of curls.

With a light sigh as she slowly crosses her arms over her waist in a loose embrace, Regina finally answers, almost inaudibly, "Love is weakness."

Jefferson laughs nervously, crawling up to her side so that he can see at her properly. She refuses to look at him, instead keeping her eyes tightly shut, and this does little to ease his churning stomach. "You don't actually believe that," he accuses lightly. It's absurd to think of something so utterly cynical coming from Regina's mouth; as a child, she had been forever waxing poetic about the virtues of true love. _You'll see_, she'd whispered one day, so many years ago now, as she pressed a light kiss to the ugly purple bruise in full bloom around his eye. _True love creates happiness. Once we grow up and find true love, everything will be better. It has to be__._

However, as Jefferson's gaze wanders along the form of the queen lying beside him now, he has to admit that the years have done much to change her from the girl he once knew. The sadness in her eyes is so much deeper now than it was then, and there's something else there as well that casts shadows across her lovely face. It takes him a moment before he can place the emotion, for it's something that he's never associated with her: despair.

"Love is like fine wine," Regina begins, at last opening her dark eyes. The rest of her body remains motionless as she stares at the loose canopy of lush green leaves above them, framed starkly against a backdrop of violet sky. Beyond their feet, the sun sinks into the ocean, turning sky and water into vibrant shades of pink and orange. "It's smooth and sweet and intoxicating, but it's addictive, too. And then, once it's gone — and it always does disappear, one way or another — all that's left is agony. The sun is too bright, and your body is in revolt, and yet all that you can comprehend is that you need _more_."

Jefferson frowns as he wonders, not for the first time, what happened to her during their years apart to fill her with such pain and sorrow. "I'll never leave you, Regina."

"You will, eventually," and her voice is so broken, so devoid of all hope, that it takes every last ounce of his willpower to keep from pulling her into his arms and crushing her in a fierce embrace. "Everyone always does."

"Regina, no... remember our oath?" He takes her hand and, lacing her fingers between his own, presses their palms together. Even more than a decade later, Jefferson can still remember the sharp sting of his torn flesh and the smooth warmth of their blood mingling together between their clasped hands. "We're family, Regina — true family. And you don't abandon family."

Tears fill Regina's eyes, sparkling in the waning sunlight as they threaten to cascade down her face. "I can't love you, Jefferson," she admits, finally turning her head to face him. "My heart... it just doesn't work anymore. You deserve better. Someone _whole_."

"Don't be ridiculous. I want to be with _you_, Regina," he insists. His thumb rubs against her cheekbone, eliciting the softest of sighs from her throat as she unconsciously tips her head into his touch. It's these little moments that make Jefferson's heart feel so complete and full that he's sure it will burst. "I love you, and I'll be ecstatic with whatever you feel comfortable giving me in return."

For one brief moment, Regina's entire face lights up with hope; her eyes grow wide, and the corners of her mouth turn up in what is almost a smile. But then she shakes her head, as if to will herself back to reality, and hope is replaced with resignation. "You say that _now_..." she begins, trailing off as her voice breaks.

"Hey," he murmurs, cupping her face with his hand. "Have you ever known me to go back on my word?"

For long seconds, Regina stares at him, tears spilling down her cheeks and onto his hand while her chin wobbles uncontrollably. Without warning, she flings herself against his chest with such force that it knocks him onto his back and nearly robs him of his breath. She clings to him tightly, burying her face into his shoulder as she weeps. "Oh, Jefferson... I don't know what I'd do without you."

As he wraps his arms around her, Jefferson is struck by the memory of the first time he ever set eyes on Regina. He was six years old, and he'd sprained his ankle helping his father tend to her family's estate when Regina appeared like an angel before him, smiling shyly as she offered him ice for his injury. She was the first person to ever show him such selfless kindness, and in that moment, he had fallen completely and irrevocably in love with her. So many years have passed since that day, and yet nothing — not his parents' sneering insistence that Lady Regina was far too good for him, nor his family's later expulsion from the estate — has ever been able to temper his longing for her. Now she lies in Jefferson's arms, warm and solid and willing, and it's more than he could have ever hoped for. Regina's worries are for nothing, because he cannot imagine ever wanting anything but _this_.

"It doesn't matter." Jefferson holds her close, kissing her forehead as he traces circles on her bare back. "You'll never have to find out."


End file.
